Joe was not having fun floating through the infinite void with nothing but metal, glass, and several centuries of human ingenuity to keep him safe. Though, for once, his phobia wasn’t the main cause of his anxiety. If anything he was slowly but surely getting a handle on that. With a bit of luck, he might have actually enjoyed the latter half of the interstellar cruise. Unfortunately his astrohodophobia therapy had been rudely interrupted by the thrice-shocking news that Maggie’s sibling was going to pay them a visit. He had learned all at once that his cosmic sweetheart apparently had a family, that they were dropping by for a surprise visit, and that this individual bore the panic-inducing title of ‘The Devourer.’ It was a tough pill to swallow.
This new information was also the current source of Joe’s worries. At first he was simply stressing over whether the cold vacuum of space would claim him, but he now also had to look forward to meeting some unspeakable monstrosity that might just swallow him whole. Or at least that’s what he assumed, based on the very limited information he’d gotten out of Maggie. The fact that the girl didn’t have her usual air of cool confidence only worsened the strain on his nerves. Thankfully, Joe Mulligan was a man whose psyche had been galvanized time and time again after spending so long in the company of a Class-3 cosmic entity. After the initial shock and subsequent dread wore off, he was able to think things through a bit more rationally.
Surely, he figured, this Kelogh’theryl fellow wouldn’t literally consume everything in sight. After all, there was a lot more to The Observer than a silent fly on the wall that did nothing but watch. It would therefore be foolish of Joe to assume that eating things was all The Devourer was about. He didn’t know for sure, of course, but he had a pretty good source of information. The only issue was that he had a hunch he wasn’t going to like the answers to his questions. Much like the micrometeorite thing, The Devourer’s true nature was a topic that he was perhaps better off remaining ignorant about. Joe mulled over the matter for two whole days before he ultimately decided that if he was going to be at Maggie’s side, he couldn’t turn a blind eye to her problems. How could he possibly call himself her boyfriend if he didn’t at least try to understand her troubles? Especially after how supportive she had been after his own familial issues came to light.
Joe made up his mind around the time he was finishing up lunch, having elected to eat alone so he can finish thinking things through. Now that he had, he wasted no time in returning to the cabin. He found the girl floating roughly in the middle of the room with her eyes closed and hair coils wigging out, exactly where and how he’d left her. She’d been like that for the better part of the last two days, having claimed that she was busy preparing for the upcoming visit. Joe had no doubt that Maggie was definitely doing some brain-stretching in case things got out of hand, but he had a hunch she was just nervous and unsure how to handle it. It was adorable, in a way.
“Hey, Maggie,” he greeted her with a wave. “Do you have a minute?”
Her eyes opened and a smile floated onto her lips.
“For you, always.”
“I wanted to ask a few things about You-know-who.”
“Ah.”
The girl didn’t even attempt to keep her face from stiffening up.
“Then ask, and I shall do my best to answer.”
“Yeah, so, let’s start with the big one. Devourer, yeah? I take it that title isn’t just for show?”
Maggie blinked several times in rapid succession, after which she let out a light chuckle.
“What?” Joe looked confused. “What’s so funny?”
“I apologize. I mistakenly assumed ‘You-know-who’ referred to someone else entirely. But yes, Kelogh’theryl’s moniker is rightfully earned.”
“Riiiight… So, what sort of things does he, y’know, devour?”
“I am uncertain, my sibling’s tastes are ever-shifting. However, I can assure you that Kelogh’theryl will not consume things that are not… tasty.”
“Ah. And, uh, what sort of things does he find ‘tasty,’ exactly?”
“To my knowledge, the list includes, but is not limited to, cotton candy, nightmares about pancakes, polished fingernails, awkward silences, every episode of a twentieth-century sitcom called ‘Friends,’ seven-point-five carat diamonds, and the strange feeling that one is forgetting something.”
“Huh,” Joe blinked while that sunk in. “Okay. That’s… somehow both super weird and completely understandable.”
It was an exceedingly random array of things to be sure, some of which weren’t even ‘things’ per-se. And yet, it was precisely the sort of seemingly disconnected collection of topics that Maggie might obsess over. Even the creepy or oddly specific ones. Perhaps rampant curiosity ran in their cosmic family? One could argue that, technically speaking, both of them shared a thirst for knowledge, though in the Devourer’s case it was a bit more literal. Regardless, this revelation helped ease one of Joe’s main worries.
“Well, if nothing else, at least he’s picky. Heh. Just have to hope I don’t end up on the menu.”
He said it in jest, but Maggie’s cold stare made him instantly regret doing so.
“Oh, bugger,” he had a rare moment of insight. “That’s not why he’s coming, is he? To eat me?”
“There is an exceedingly high probability this is the case,” the girl bluntly stated, “though there is an inversely low likelihood that Kelogh’theryl wishes to merely consume your physical form. Past correspondences have informed me that my sibling finds human flesh, and I quote, irredeemably bland.”
“That’s, uh, probably a good thing?”
“The alternatives are also risky, however. Kelogh’theryl may intend to consume parts of your psyche, or perhaps memories. That is why I am currently building up various psionic countermeasures.”
“He can do that? Brain-fucky things, I mean?”
“Indeed. Both of us fit squarely into the Class-3 category. We are literally evenly matched in terms of psionic ability. If a fight were to happen between us, it would immediately become a stalemate and inevitably conclude in a draw. However, that is precisely why you should not worry, as I can instantly put a stop to any shenanigans my other half might be planning.”
“Other half?” the man raised an eyebrow. “What, like an ex or something?”
Maggie’s face screwed up in an expression that radiated such palpable disgust that Joe momentarily felt like his lunch might make a surprise reappearance.
“That is the most vile insinuation I have ever heard,” she bluntly stated. “So much so that I will now obliterate it from my memory, and I will ask you to never repeat it, lest I must do so again.”
“… Okay.”
Joe immediately felt like a complete pillock. Of course this Devourer guy wasn’t Maggie’s ex. Weird sort-of-sibling stuff aside, the girl had stated multiple times that this whole romantic relationship thing was a first for her, and it was against her nature to lie. Admittedly she sometimes omitted uncomfortable truths, but this clearly wasn’t one of those cases. The reaction she had to Joe’s words was so severe that the man couldn’t bring himself to broach the subject of that ‘other half’ comment again. A few days later the man had dropped the matter entirely, filing it away under one of those ‘unknowable truths’ that Maggie occasionally spoke of - knowledge that the human mind could not comprehend without abandoning its sanity. The important thing to take away from that conversation was that she was wary and uncertain of The Devourer’s motives, and that Joe needed to keep his guard up.
And then, inevitably, the big day came. The spacefaring yacht arrived in the Midcrest system on schedule. This particular star system had been one of the first to be colonized by the Third British Empire, and the local state of affairs reflected this. Four of its eight planets were inhabited, as were dozens of moons and space stations. On the whole, the combined population in the system easily exceeded thirty billion - the highest in the 3BE. Of particular note was the planet Midcrest-3, an immense celestial body that wasn’t quite massive enough to be a gas giant. More of a ‘gas midget,’ as the locals liked to say. Its surface was highly irradiated and the atmosphere was filled with toxic metal particles that gave it a somewhat surreal violet-green hue when viewed from orbit. It was a completely uninhabitable world that was beyond any terraforming technology currently available.
What made this planet remarkable were its three natural satellites - Midcrest-3-A, Midcrest-3-B, and Midcrest-3-D. It used to have four, but 3-C was too small to have an atmosphere and got turned into spaceships and hyper-scrapers. The other three, however, were remarkably Earth-like in size, temperature, and composition, and British colonists did not fail to settle these extremely rare planetoids as soon and as aggressively as they were able. As a result, this hat-trick of moons now held around half of the system’s staggering population and was responsible for 90% of its industry. The so-called Midcrest Trifecta has remained one of the titans of British civilization for three centuries, and showed no signs of relinquishing that title.
However, the ancient mega-cities’ infrastructure hadn’t stood the test of time. As old tunnels, factories, and storage spaces were rendered obsolete, the humans did as humans did and simply abandoned them to rebuild elsewhere. It just wasn’t feasible to refurbish and refit so many ancient facilities, the local government said. This led to the Trifecta having swathes of land filled with abandoned, barely functioning structures. Various unsavory elements were allowed to fester in these mostly lawless areas in ways that were practically impossible on newer, shinier colonies like Butterpond-4. In other words, it was the perfect place for a cheeky Class-3 cosmic entity to gain a foothold without the Supernatural Eviction Agency noticing.
“So, uh, where’s Mr. Brain-muncher?” Joe asked.
“Uncertain.”
“But you said he came aboard this ship, right?”
“Indeed.”
“And it’s already been two hours.”
“This is so.”
“So where is he?”
“Uncertain.”
“But don’t you, like, see everything?!”
“My perception does indeed encompass the entirety of this vessel. However, my sibling is projecting a psionic interference field that makes it impossible to pinpoint a location.”
“What about all those cameras? You can use those with your techno-wizardry, right?”
“This is so, but I am currently unaware of which of the two hundred and seventy six passengers that arrived from Midcrest-3-A holds my sibling’s consciousness.”
In other words, she didn’t know what she was looking for. And even if she did, her target had other ways of evading her notice. Maggie’s assertion that the two of them were evenly matched was, as per usual, quite accurate.
“Ugh,” the man gave up. “Well, we already missed the restaurant’s lunch hours, so do you mind if I just order room service?”
“This is permissible.”
Joe, now more frustrated than anxious, wasted no time in ordering a serving of fish and chips. He then reconsidered and ordered three more portions - one for Maggie and two for their eventual visitor. Almost immediately after he did so, there was a ring at the couple’s door. Given the odd timing and that the panel next to the entrance failed to identify the visitor via their implants, there was absolutely no doubt as to who had finally decided to show up. With an understanding nod between himself and Maggie, Joe took a deep breath and opened the door.
The person on the other side was completely unlike anything the man expected. Rather than some fat slob or some impossibly thin picky eater, he was greeted with the sight of an absolute bombshell. The woman had fair, flawless skin, piercing blue eyes, wild blonde hair, aggressively feminine facial features, and an exaggerated hourglass figure that looked like it had come straight out of an adult movie. That last one in particular was almost on full display. The bright red sweater she wore like a cocktail dress left everything around her shoulders completely exposed, only barely managing to contain that voluminous bosom. This borderline indecent garment put into question both its own ability to stay in place and the presence of any underwear. The pair of long legs that escaped from its lower end were wrapped in some thigh-high stockings that left a provocative area of exposed skin, though Joe hadn’t made it that far down yet. His stupefied gaze was still fixated on the woman’s upper half, though not on her outrageous cleavage. What drew his attention was the woman’s pointy-toothed grin and the snapping, maw-like shapes that her golden hair adopted seemingly of its own volition.
“Howdy, hun,” she winked. “Were y’all wait up for little ol’ me, or did I just catch you at an opportune moment?”